Title: Mending Wall
Author: Jane Lebak (tabris@empire.net)
URL: http://www.empire.net/~tabris02/
Summary: Ryu meets his mother and reaches an understanding 
about their separate lives.

(5/00)

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It feels weird to walk into the building and ask for Satsuki 
Nakanishi. I have no right to be here. Toochan would lose his 
temper, but I know Seiji would want to know every last detail. The 
lobby is gaudy, like you'd expect from a brothel, only it's not a 
brothel. It's just some apartments where the captains like to keep 
the women they've got in this particular port.

After a little while she comes downstairs, and once she lays eyes 
on me I see the instant recognition. "Ryu!" There's no flourished 
sweep down the stairs. Instead she runs and squeezes me a hug 
like any mother seeing her son.

She recognizes me! I haven't seen her since I was ten, and Seiji 
was only two. But she's my mother, and I guess you can't fool your 
mother. And here I had worried she wouldn't want to talk to me at 
all, knowing who I am.

Well, part of who I am. Even Toochan doesn't know about the 
Kagaku Ninjatai.

My mother--it's hard to call her Kaachan after all this time--wants 
to run back upstairs to get her purse. I insist on paying for lunch 
for both of us, except that she'll have to pick the place. I've never 
been to the port city before: if I'm in this area, I'm usually on my 
way to the island to visit Toochan and Seiji. She knows a tiny 
restaurant with moderate prices and outrageous portions. Both of 
us tuck into the meal without saying much.

Jun asked me last week: what would you say to your mother if you 
saw her again? At the time I said I didn't know. That hasn't 
changed.

I ask my mother what she's been doing, and she tells me about a 
whole bunch of unimportant stuff. She takes dance classes and 
has a book club and all these other social things. She never 
mentions a job. I don't ask who pays her rent.

My mother asks me what kind of construction I've been doing 
lately and in what parts of the world. Apparently some word of me 
has gotten back to her, and inside I flinch. Dad's assessment of 
my character has already permeated the entire island. Why did it 
have to spread to the mainland too? He says I'm a coward and a 
lazy bum because I don't want to fish and I don't want to fight. I've 
seen him shine when someone compliments me, but then he just 
chuckles and says I'm only his shiftless son. I don't know what to 
believe: the things I see in his eyes or the things I hear from his 
mouth.

I tell everyone back home I'm a construction worker who follows 
Gallactor around the world cleaning up after them. That backfired 
on me last time I was home. Someone wanted me to help put up 
drywall! Somehow I wormed out of that, and Dad snickered behind 
my back and said I was too lazy to help. I just didn't want to ruin 
the guy's home.

So I tell my mother that lately I've been building rock walls. That, 
luckily, takes no special skill, and it would explain some of my 
physique. I got weird looks when I said I painted houses for a 
living! She listens intently, then asks what places I've been. 
Someone's been sending her information from back home. I'm 
such a sucker for Seiji that whenever I get a chance, I mail him a 
postcard from the different countries we go. That's why the 
construction/clean-up crew story comes in so handy. Everyone 
can believe there's high-priced work to be had in those countries 
once Gallactor passes through. If I were really doing what I said, 
I'd be a millionaire by now.

My mother says that up north, where she used to spend Golden 
Week with her aunts, there are so many rocks in the ground that 
you have to do something with them, and that's why everyone up 
in that part of the country has a rock wall dividing the property.

"You visited me because of Spring mischief." She chuckles. "Have 
you ever heard the line, 'Spring is the mischief in me'?"

I shake my head no.

"Something there is that doesn't love a wall," she begins, and I'm 
surprised to hear her recite poetry straight out of her head. 
Nambu-hakase never had time for that kind of stuff. Maybe it's 
something you learn in charm school or wherever she studied. It 
certainly gets her rich men now.

Looking at her, I can't recognize my own mother. Dad's a 
fisherman. I see myself as something of the same. You know, a 
country boy. Joe makes fun of my accent, but I like it. It's 
comfortable, and it makes other people comfortable too. It makes 
them think I'm friendly, not out to skin them. But here's my mom 
talking like a high-society woman, wearing jewelry and fancy 
clothes and probably living life as someone's "other woman."

She's looking right at me with a smile as she says,

"On a day we meet to walk the line
And set the wall between us once again.
We keep the wall between us as we go."

"How do you remember all that?" Enough poetry. I hate the way 
she's looking straight at me. "The words don't even rhyme."

"I have a lot of time to myself. I like to watch the news, keep tabs 
on the Kagaku Ninjatai, and read poetry." She's still looking right 
into me. "I'm glad to hear you build walls nowadays."

I squint at her. "Why?"

She says softly,

"Before I built a wall, I'd ask to know
What I was walling in or walling out."

She sips her drink, then adds, "Ryu, I'm very glad you came to 
visit. It must have taken a lot of convincing yourself."

Did she really want to see us again? "You could go visit Seiji 
sometime."

"I know how your father feels about me. Once he gets an idea in 
his head, he never lets it go. He'd never let me near Seiji."

I swallow hard. "Do you miss us?"

"I do. That's why I keep tabs on you."

Suddenly I'm cold all over. My mother is watching me with low-
lidded mascara darkened eyes. I finish my lunch hastily.

This is my mother. You can't fool your mother.

I'm almost shaking to realize that she knows. Toochan never 
figured it out, so busy believing me a coward and a bum. Seiji 
never thought of it, even when Nambu showed up with four of five 
science ninjas on his arm.

She continues, "I'm glad to see you've done so well. Better than I 
have, and far better than your father. Even if he'll never realize it 
for himself. He should be the proudest man in the Pacific rim 
instead of the dullest."

"Kaachan--"

She smiles graciously and lays her napkin on her lap. "You have 
to order dessert. They have the most lavish desserts here."

In other words, she's not going to mention it again, and I had 
better not either.

Waiting for dessert to arrive, I wonder if she's going to spread the 
word. Toochan has no respect for her and would tell me to drag 
her away and have her locked up. He'd say she could use my 
secret to make her own life better, and so she would. Mom just 
sits there with a cup of coffee, looking at me the way she'd admire 
a bouquet of roses. That's when I realize how many people's 
secrets she's kept. For all that we've talked about her new life, 
she's never mentioned a single name. If nothing else, my mother 
can keep a secret. She betrayed my father, but she would never 
betray her son.

I never thought Kaachan had any qualities I'd want for myself. 
Sometimes it's so hard not to tell Seiji and Toochan about the 
team. I'd love to rip off the mask of cowardice and show them the 
mighty Horned Owl, and once I came so close my fingers 
trembled on the bracelet. Toochan was wrong.

Kaachan says, "Will you come visit again? When mending walls 
doesn't keep you away?"

"I'll try." I don't know if I will or I won't, and Kaachan probably sees 
it in my eyes. "Can I tell Seiji I met with you?"

She nods. "Not your father." There's a slow secret smile playing 
over her lips. "It's better to have the harbor between us." The 
secret smile yields to a more real expression, then. "And I'm glad 
to know we both have the same love of good fences."

I nod. "It was good to see you again, Kaachan."

She walks with me to the train station, and I head back to Utoland 
City. It's the end of another mischievous spring day. As the tracks 
lead northward and inland, I begin to see rock walls and think of 
all the good neighbors they must make.

 
******************
Endnotes: Wendy Dinsmore informs me that "Kaachan" is the 
maternal equivalent of "Toochan," Ryu's familiar term for Dad.

The poem "Mending Wall" is by Robert Frost.

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